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The Cost of Caring
Rev. Jeffrey R. Funk Healthcare Chaplains Ministry Association The New Testament gives us many excellent examples of individuals caring enough to get actively involved in bearing the burdens of someone needy. In Mark 21-5 is found the account of a man fortunate enough to have four loving, compassionate friends who did care enough to get practically involved:
These friends didn't simply remain aloof. They didn't merely talk about his problem. They didn't only pray about his predicament. They actually went out and did something practical about meeting his needs, regardless of the obstacles that could have potentially discouraged them from getting involved. Caring friends can indeed make the difference between a crisis experience that becomes an overwhelming struggle and one that produces positive growth. Helping the hurting is not an easy task. The four friends of the paralytic had to carry the stretcher for some distance, climb to the roof, remove part of the roof, and then lower their friend down. That involved a lot of physical and emotional commitment. They could have made a variety of excuses for not going through with their plan: "We don't know him that well." "He lives too far away." "We don't want to bother him now." "It's too much trouble." "We might embarrass him." "What will others think?" "This won't work. It won't help him." But they got past the excuses because they cared enough to venture getting involved. These men demonstrated a primary qualification for caring: being willing to get involved in order to let God express His love through us. In Luke 1030-36, Jesus gave us an example of the cost of caring in the story of the Good Samaritan:
This parable was given in order to answer the question: "Who is my neighbor?" In telling this story, Jesus also explained what it means to love our neighbor. The religious people in the parable were unwilling to risk being ceremonially defiled or inconvenienced by stopping to care for the injured man. They knew the Law as merely a legalistic system, but had failed to grasp the spirit of the Law, which required them to be compassionate at any cost (see Mt. 2237-40). However, the Samaritan revealed true neighborly compassion as he was willing to pay the price of helping meet the man's needs. This story demonstrates that practical caring is a costly investment of our valuable, personal resources: our time, our energy, our finances, and our emotions. It Is an Investment of Our Time Ephesians 515-16 says: "Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil." If we are going to be a "Good Samaritan," or if we are going to grab hold of someone's stretcher when they are down, then it is going to cost us some of our precious time. Time is valuable to all of us, and it seems we always need more of it than we have available. But pain seldom occurs at an opportune moment in our busy schedules. A crisis never seems to happen when it is convenient for us. Therefore, if we say we care enough to get involved, then we must be willing to rearrange our schedules in order to meet the needs of those who are overburdened with suffering. That means we might have to start dinner an hour later than we had planned. It may mean we must postpone an errand or skip a meeting. This means we must also rearrange our priorities-making people more important than our plans. Jesus spent time helping people in crisis work through life's difficulties in an in-depth manner. He was never "too busy" to come alongside those in need. Being a comforter means being available-to hold a hand, to provide a shoulder to cry on, to give a hug, to listen to their heartache, to stand beside them in their hour of need-no matter how long it takes. We must be willing to provide long-term, unconditional support. It Is An Investment of Our Energy Besides time, it takes special effort to help those who are hurting. It is definitely easier to stay at home and ignore the deep hurts of those around us than it is to get involved personally. It is much easier to pray to God to meet their needs than it is to actually be the active answer to that specific prayer request. It is hard work to be supportive. It requires determined effort to express the fact that we genuinely care. For example, listening attentively to someone who is hurting literally demands increased energy. The heart speeds up. The blood circulates faster. The body temperature goes up. Listening is an activity. Listening is hard work. As John clearly points out in his letter, actions do speak louder than words: "Let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth." (1 John 313, emphasis mine) And James emphatically declares that such deeds are suggestive of genuine faith:
Jesus Himself indicated that our practical effort in caring for the hungry, the homeless, the sick, the prisoner and the poor is actually evidence of a saved heart that desires to serve Christ (Matthew 2531-46). And because we do care, then we need to take the initiative in reaching out to the ones in need. Please do not sit back and wait, hoping that someone else will do it. That may be what many others are doing-nothing. We need to respond by making the effort to drive out of our way to visit a shut-in. We need to take the initiative to reach out and touch someone in pain. We need to respond with the effort it takes to cook a meal and take it to their home. We need to care by taking the effort to pick up the phone and to find out first-hand how they are doing and to pray with them (not merely for them). It Is an Investment of Our Finances Active caring will cost us time and energy, and something else we usually question whether we have enough of it-our money. Sometimes bearing someone else's burden means giving of our own hard-earned money that rightfully belongs to us (even though we know it really belongs to God, right?). But because we consider people a valuable investment of our resources, we cheerfully choose to give (2 Corinthians 96-8) in order to lighten their financial burden. The amount is not the important factor. What is important is the fact that we have communicated, in a tangible way, that we really do care enough to get involved personally. And people in pain, whether short-term or long-term, are often in need of extra financial assistance-for extra transportation expenses, for the many meals that have to be eaten out, for increased medical bills and medication, for baby-sitting, for long-distance phone calls, and much other unexpected, yet necessary, expenditure. It Is an Investment of Our Emotions The major impact of any illness on a patient (and their family) is usually more emotional than physical. When illness disrupts routine behaviors, families are often as psychologically affected as the patient. It is in this way that we can be most helpful-by understanding the emotional and interpersonal losses occurring in the home. Our offers of practical help carry tremendous emotional value for people burdened with needs. It can mean the difference between wholesome healing and woeful hurting. Loss, fear, and deep emotional pain are at the heart of any crisis experience. At first the emotional Novocain of shock blurs these realities. But the emotional Novocain eventually wears off. Intense feelings of anger, guilt, doubt, sorrow, despair, fear, and panic are a normal reaction to adapting to any crisis. In order to support the person in crisis means we must be prepared to participate in these intense and unpleasant emotions. We can give all kinds of time, effort and money, yet still leave the person who is hurting feeling isolated, simply because we are not willing to share their emotional pain. Let me try to illustrate how this could happen. I could have the responsibility for taking care of a wounded dog that must be kept in a cage. I can make sure that he has plenty of food and water, that he is warm enough, and that his cage is kept clean. But what if I never took him out of the cage to play with him or to touch him, nor did I ever talk to him? Certainly I would be meeting all of his physical needs, yet I would be entirely ignoring his important emotional needs. I have seen that happen to hurting families. People have brought by food (very helpful in times of stress) and left it at the doorstep and quickly departed without spending any time with the family (which is emotionally isolating in times of stress). People may often pray for the hurting person (which is supportive) but seldom pray with them (and presence is even more supportive than words). Most of us have no problem giving to a friend who is materially needy, but we may shy away from helping someone who is emotionally hurting. Why? According to Judy Mize, director of Ojai Counseling Services, "In order to give emotional support, you've got to be willing to be vulnerable yourself. If you can't let yourself be open to your own feelings, you can't really be there for somebody else." Jerry Ortiz, an affiliate of Human Affairs International, gives another reason: "We have a very strong cultural value that sometimes gets in the way of helping others-privacy. You may see that someone is hurting and you hope he'll ask you for help. But you hesitate to be the one to bring the issue up because you don't want to invade his privacy." I believe it is instructive that when Jesus arrived at the tomb of Lazarus he was deeply moved by their grief and wept with them (John 1133-35). He became emotionally involved in their grief. I find this significant in view of the fact that before he arrived at the grave He had declared to Martha that her brother would rise again because He Himself is the resurrection and the life (John 1123-26). He could have arrived at the scene and told everyone to stop their crying. I have seen many Christians do this at the graveside, saying, "Stop crying! He's in heaven now!" Instead, Jesus was willing to share their emotional pain. And then after He cried, He raised Lazarus from the dead, turning their sorrow into joy. When we genuinely care about someone who is suffering, we will allow ourselves to become emotionally involved with him or her. As the Scripture says, we will weep with those who are weeping and we will rejoice with those who are rejoicing (Romans 1215). The way to meet hurting people's emotional needs is by coming alongside them and sharing some of the pain. You cannot provide emotional caring from a distance. Being willing to enter into the needy lives of others is a costly investment of ourselves. However, it is usually our natural tendency to be selective about whom we will reach out to and how we will reach out. Maybe that was part of the problem with the priest and Levite in the parable of the Good Samaritan. Michael Quoist, a poet, explains our problem this way:
But, as William Fletcher admits, "Our God wants to dislodge us from our comfortable, smug existence, to move us to mingle with our needy brothers, to stir us to touch those we might otherwise shun".[1] Answering Christ's call to compassion is often a struggle for us. We may easily pay lip service to helping the hurting, but the actual involvement is almost always costly, and many of us are inclined to back away. In Conclusion Be sensitive to the fact that none of us ever feels totally adequate in comforting someone in pain. But a suffering person desperately needs some resources that any of us can give-love, hope, a smile, a hug, our presence-if we are willing to make the investment of our time, energy, money and emotions. Be creative. Use your imagination. Ask yourself: "What would I need if I were in the same situation?" Then take action to help meet that need. Pray for wisdom in discovering creative ways to reach out in love to minister to those in pain around you. Pray for sensitivity in understanding how they must feel and what they must need. Then do something to meet that need. To sit back and not get involved is simple, easy, and safe. But nobody is helped. Take the chance. Risk yourself. Get involved in being a "People Helper," a "Stretcher Bearer," a "Good Samaritan," a Compassionate Friend, or a Burden Bearer. When we stop our hurried lives in order to care for the needs of others, we often discover that God can use us in simple yet effective ways. It usually doesn't require us to possess any great skills, only a loving, giving heart and a willingness to take the time. And the eternal blessings of getting involved are well worth the investment! Endnotes:
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